Fun with Puns September 8th, 2010 by admin
Just a little fun with some puns this afternoon -
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from eating too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies out by the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’
22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’
25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
Until next time,
May the saddest day of your future be no worse
Than the happiest day of your past
Chuck Ransleben
Health Insurance on Your W-2 August 30th, 2010 by admin
Hi everybody! I know it has been a while since we have talked, but I am back.
I wanted to take a couple of minutes to address a rumor that has been going around the internet lately. The rumor involves the taxation of health insurance benefits for employees. Many emails and blog posts are claiming that, under the new health insurance law, the value of the health insurance provided by your employer is going to be reported on your W-2 and included in your taxable income.
Well, as with most internet rumors, there is some truth to the statement and some fiction. The truth is that, starting in 2011, employers will be required to report the value of employer provided health insurance on employees’ W-2 forms. However, the law does not make the benefits taxable to the employee. So starting next year, you will see the value of your employer provided health insurance on your W-2, but the taxation of those benefits has not changed.
I hope this helps clear up this issue for you. As always, please feel free to call or email me if you have any questions regarding your particular tax situation.
Until next time,
May you live as long as you want,
And never want as long as you live.
Chuck Ransleben
Flag Day June 14th, 2010 by admin
I am the flag of the United States of America.
My name is Old Glory.
I fly atop the world’s tallest buildings.
I fly majestically over institutions of learning.
I stand guard with power in the world.
Look up and see me.
I stand for peace, honor, truth, and justice.
I stand for freedom.
I am confident.
I am arrogant.
I am proud.
When I am flown with my fellow banners, my head is a little higher,
my colors a little truer.
I bow to no one!
I am recognized all over the world.
I am worshipped – I am saluted.
I am loved – I am revered.
I am respected – and I am feared.
I have fought in every battle of every war for more than 200 years.
I was flown at Valley Forge, Gettysburg, Shiloh, and Appomattox.
I was there at San Juan Hill, the trenches of France, in the Argonne Forest, Anzio,
Rome and the beaches of Normandy. Guam, Okinawa, Korea and Khesan, Saigon, Vietnam
know me, I was there.
I led my troops, I was dirty, battle worn and tired,
but my soldiers cheered me and I was proud.
I have been burned, torn and trampled on the streets of countries I have
helped set free. It does not hurt, for I am invincible.
I have been soiled upon, burned, torn and trampled on the streets of my country.
And when it’s by those whom I’ve served in battle – it hurts.
But I shall overcome – for I am strong.
I have slipped the bonds of Earth and stood watch over the uncharted
frontiers of space from my vantage point on the moon.
I have borne silent witness to all of America’s finest hours.
But my finest hours are yet to come.
When I am torn into strips and used as bandages for my wounded comrades on
the battlefield, when I am flown at half-mast to honor my soldier, or when I
lie in the trembling arms of a grieving parent at the grave of their fallen
son or daughter, I am proud.
MY NAME IS OLD GLORY LONG MAY I WAVE.
DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN LONG MAY I WAVE.
Happy Flag Day to everyone!
Until next time -
May your neighbors respect you,
Trouble neglect you,
The angels protect you,
And heaven accept you.
Chuck Ransleben
Happy Memorial Day May 28th, 2010 by admin
I just wanted to take this opportunity to wish everyone a Happy Memorial Day.
Here is a great video I came across to help us all remember the true reason behind this holiday:
My sincerest THANK YOU to all who have served and continue to serve to defend this great country.
Until next time -
May the Lord keep you in His hand
And never close His fist too tight.
Chuck
Save on payroll taxes! May 18th, 2010 by admin
Hi everyone! I know it has been a while since I posted on my blog. Things got pretty busy leading up to April 15th and they hardly seem to have slowed down since then.
I wanted to mention to all of my friends that are employers a new tax break that could save some payroll taxes. Earlier this year, Congress passed the HIRE act that allows employers to not pay the employer’s portion of social security taxes (FICA) on qualified employees for the remainder of 2010. A qualified employee is an employee that meets the following qualifications:
- They have not been employed for more than 40 hours during the 60-day period ending on the date the employee begins employment with you
- They begin employment with you after February 3, 2010, and before January 1, 2011
- They are not employed by you to replace another employee unless the other employee separated from employment voluntarily or for cause and
- They are not related to you (interestingly, your spouse is not related to you for this qualification)
If you have an employee that meets these qualifications, have the employee complete a Form W-11 (available here) to verify their qualifications regarding their prior employment and keep it in your records. Please keep in mind that you must still withhold the employee’s portion of FICA from their pay and submit that to the IRS with your normal payroll tax deposit. Also, this tax saving opportunity does not apply to Medicare taxes.
If you have any questions regarding this tax saving opportunity, please feel free to contact me.
Until next time,
May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
And rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.
Chuck Ransleben
Happy Texas Independence Day March 2nd, 2010 by admin
Just a quick note to say Happy Texas Independence Day to everyone.
The Texas Declaration of Independence
(March 2, 1836)
The Texas Declaration of Independence was produced, literally, overnight. Its urgency was paramount, because while it was being prepared, the Alamo in San Antonio was under seige by Santa Anna’s army of Mexico.
Immediately upon the assemblage of the Convention of 1836 on March 1, a committee of five of its delegates were appointed to draft the document. The committee, consisting of George C. Childress, Edward Conrad, James Gaines, Bailey Hardeman, and Collin McKinney, prepared the declaration in record time. It was briefly reviewed, then adopted by the delegates of the convention the following day.
As seen from the transcription at the link below, the document parallels somewhat that of the United States, signed almost sixty years earlier. It contains statements on the function and responsibility of government, followed by a list of grievances. Finally, it concludes by declaring Texas a free and independent republic.
Borrowed from here where you can learn more.
Until next time,
May you live as long as you want and never want as long as you live.
Chuck Ransleben
Col. Robert Howard February 26th, 2010 by admin
In honor of one our nation’s greatest heroes:
Profiles of Valor: U.S. Army Col. Robert Howard
Ret. Col. Robert Howard was laid to rest Wednesday at Arlington National Cemetery. He died Dec. 23 at age 70. Howard served five tours in Vietnam, was wounded 14 times, and was the most decorated soldier from that war, including eight Purple Hearts, four Bronze Stars, four Legion of Merit awards, the Silver Star, the Distinguished Service Cross (twice) and the Medal of Honor — a medal for which he was nominated three times for three separate actions in a 13-month period.
Howard’s Medal of Honor citation reads, “1st Lt. Howard (then SFC.), distinguished himself while serving as platoon sergeant of an American-Vietnamese platoon which was on a mission to rescue a missing American soldier in enemy controlled territory in the Republic of Vietnam. The platoon … was attacked by an estimated 2-company force. During the initial engagement, 1st Lt. Howard was wounded and his weapon destroyed by a grenade explosion. 1st Lt. Howard saw his platoon leader had been wounded seriously and was exposed to fire. Although unable to walk, and weaponless, 1st Lt. Howard unhesitatingly crawled through a hail of fire to retrieve his wounded leader. …
“Through his outstanding example of indomitable courage and bravery, 1st Lt. Howard was able to rally the platoon into an organized defense force. With complete disregard for his safety, 1st Lt. Howard crawled from position to position, administering first aid to the wounded, giving encouragement to the defenders and directing their fire on the encircling enemy. For 3 1/2 hours 1st Lt. Howard’s small force and supporting aircraft successfully repulsed enemy attacks and finally were in sufficient control to permit the landing of rescue helicopters. 1st Lt. Howard personally supervised the loading of his men and did not leave the bullet-swept landing zone until all were aboard safely. 1st Lt. Howard’s gallantry in action, his complete devotion to the welfare of his men at the risk of his life were in keeping with the highest traditions of the military service and reflect great credit on himself, his unit, and the U.S. Army.”
Rest in peace, Colonel.
Thank you, Col. Robert Howard, for your service to our Country.
Thank you to all of the members of our armed services for your service to our Country.
Thank you to The Patriot Post
Until next time
May God be with you and bless you,
May you see your children’s children,
May you be poor in misfortune, rich in blessings.
May you know nothing but happiness
From this day forward.
Chuck Ransleben
America Needs the Boy Scouts February 19th, 2010 by admin
First of all – A big HAPPY BIRTHDAY! to the Boy Scouts of America.
My family and I attended the Sam Houston Area Council 100 year birthday party on Thursday, February 18th. What an amazing event! Congratulations to everyone that put the event together and a big thanks to Mr. Drayton McLane for allowing us to use Minute Maid Park for our celebration.
As you might guess, Boy Scouts is a big part of my life. There are not many organizations left in our world that teach truth, honor, personal responsibility, duty to God, and duty to Country. A big thanks to all of my fellow leaders that support our boys and work hard to build our next generation of leaders.
I also wanted to share this article with you about the Boy Scouts of America. Thanks to my friend Gary Greer for pointing me to the article.
If you have a young man in your life, whether he is your son, grandson, nephew, or just the kid across the street, please try to get him involved with the Boy Scouts. It will make a huge difference in his life.
Until next time,
May you live as long as you want,
And never want as long as you live.
Chuck Ransleben
A Few Tax Tips for 2009 Tax Returns February 12th, 2010 by admin
As we head into the time for filing your 2009 income tax returns, I thought I would pass along some helpful tips.
Making Work Pay Credit – A new law passed during 2009 created the “Making Work Pay” credit. The credit is equal to 6.2% of your earned income in 2009 with certain limitations. The total credit is limited to $400 for a single person and $800 for a couple filing jointly. There are also limitations as your income exceeds $75,000 for a single person and $150,000 for a couple filing jointly. You should calculate the credit on Schedule M and report it on line 63 of your tax return.
Bonus Depreciation - Bonus depreciation is an acceleration of the depreciation deduction for most new business property placed in service during the year. This provision has been adjusted numerous times over the last few years. For 2009, the bonus depreciation is equal to 50% of the cost of the new assets. In other words, you can immediately deduct 50% of the cost of the new assets and also write off the remainder of the cost over the life of the assets. This is a great opportunity for you to take a substantial deduction for 2009 and reduce your current tax liability. Please note that this provision only applies to new assets purchased and vehicles have separate limitations that could reduce your current deduction.
Information Forms From Brokers – As some of you may have already discovered, the brokerage houses have received automatic extensions of time to provide their information reporting forms (Forms 1099) to their clients this year. This extension is until February 15, 2010. They received this extension because it has been difficult for them to compile all of the information necessary to mail the forms by January 31st in the past. In past years, this has resulted in many of them issuing one or more corrected statements to their clients. Hopefully, this extension will solve the problem of multiple corrections. If you have brokerage accounts, I recommend that you provide all of your other tax information to your CPA or other tax return preparer as soon as possible and then forward the brokerage information when you receive it. This will allow your CPA or other tax return preparer to begin working on your tax return and help avoid a last minute rush to the April 15th deadline. I would also recommend that you wait until after March 1st to finalize your tax return in case your broker sends you a corrected form.
If you have any questions about these tips or any other tax situation you may face, please feel free to call or email me. I would be happy to help you.
Until next time,
Always remember to forget
The troubles that passed away.
But never forget to remember
The blessings that come each day.
Chuck Ransleben
President Ronald Reagan’s Birthday February 5th, 2010 by admin
In honor of President Ronald Reagan’s birthday, I thought I would share his comments from the 1992 Republican convention:
“And whatever else history may say about me when I’m gone, I hope it will record that I appealed to your best hopes, not your worst fears, to your confidence rather than your doubts. My dream is that you will travel the road ahead with liberty’s lamp guiding your steps and opportunity’s arm steadying your way. My fondest hope for each one of you — and especially for young people — is that you will love your country, not for her power or wealth, but for her selflessness and her idealism. May each of you have the heart to conceive, the understanding to direct, and the hand to execute works that will make the world a little better for your having been here. May all of you as Americans never forget your heroic origins, never fail to seek divine guidance, and never lose your natural, God-given optimism. And finally, my fellow Americans, may every dawn be a great new beginning for America and every evening bring us closer to that shining city upon a hill.”
Whether you agree or disagree with his policies, I think we can all agree that President Reagan believed in the greatness of the American people and loved this country with all of his heart.
President Reagan would have been 99 on Saturday, February 6, 2010. May God rest his soul.
Until next time -
May your neighbors respect you,
Trouble neglect you,
The angels protect you,
And heaven accept you.
Chuck
A Taxing Poem January 29th, 2010 by admin
Here’s a little poem created by a friend of mine, Dave Bamberg. Dave is a cartoonist and illustrator and he does incredible work. You can find him at www.davidbamberg.com.
A Taxing Poem
Did I write down all my mileage?
Did I keep all my receipts?
Can I write off that improvement,
On my beach house in St. Pete?
Do I dare deduct my Lexus?
Hey! I use it on my job!
May I write off those new golf clubs,
That I bought from Cousin Bob?
And how about dry cleaning?
That’s ninety bucks a week!
A legitimate deduction?
Advice is what I seek!
Are meals at fancy restaurants,
A deduction I can take?
And what about the client meeting,
Last weekend at the lake?
Is a hotel room in Vegas,
A qualified expense?
Could it cause an audit?
I can’t live with this suspense!
One thing I know for certain,
Cause it happens every year.
We’ve got to pay our taxes,
It’s the I.R.S. we fear.
So I wrote down all my mileage,
And tallied my receipts.
I’m not filing for deductions
On the beach house in St. Pete.
Thanks for the poem, Dave!
Until Later -
Always remember to forget
The troubles that passed away.
But never forget to remember
The blessings that come each day.
Chuck
What A Week! January 22nd, 2010 by admin
Well it has certainly been an interesting week in America! We came into the week with the Democrats in the Senate holding a filibuster proof majority and negotiations on the health care bill in full swing. We leave the week with a Republican elected to the Senate to hold the seat previously held by Senator Ted Kennedy and the health care debate in complete turmoil. What will come of all of this? I’m not sure anyone really knows yet but I am willing to bet that we are going to see a lot of changes this year, including changes to our taxes.
One of the first changes that looks to come through this year is an opportunity to deduct certain 2010 charitable contributions on your 2009 tax return. The bill that has passed the House and Senate allows you to deduct contributions for Haiti relief made after January 11, 2010, and before March 1, 2010 on your 2009 tax return. The bill also relaxes documentation requirements for the deduction by allowing your telephone bill that reflects the name of the receiving organization, the date of the contribution, and the amount of the contribution to count as documentation for the donation. President Obama is expected to sign the bill soon.
I am sure that this is just one of the many changes we will see to our tax laws this year. As we work our way through 2010, please be sure to check back for the latest tax news and an occasional “tidbit” about other interesting topics.
Until then,
May you live as long as you want,
And never want as long as you live.
Chuck
Hello everyone! January 4th, 2010 by admin
Welcome to my first blog on the web site. I am very excited about this new avenue for me to communicate with my friends, clients, and others interested in my services.
As you might have noticed, my blog is titled, “Taxes and Tidbits”. The “Taxes” part is kind of obvious. I will occasionally post things related to taxes that, hopefully, you will find interesting and useful.
The “Tidbits” part is an opportunity for me to pass along whatever I might find interesting and want to share with all of you.
So whether it is for the taxes, the tidbits, or both, I hope you come back frequently so we can keep in touch.
Until later,
May your heart be light and happy,
May your smile be big and wide,
And may your pockets always have
a coin or two inside!